i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
