I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
