I want to walk on stilts...naked
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
