it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
