I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
