We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
