The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
