2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
the liver wants what the liver wants
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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