as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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