thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
