If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
