Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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