I wannas sexs uuuuu
You can't special order awesome
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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