I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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