and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
