The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
