if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
