So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
