You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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