If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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