New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
