wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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