you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
