Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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