wanna go halves on a baby?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
