Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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