Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
