I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
