I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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