Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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