just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
