Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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