We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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