last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize