I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
