yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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