he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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