who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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