We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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