Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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