Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
