____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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