why didn't you poke me back
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
