Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My friends, they love my intelligence
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
