You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
