Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
