Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
