Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
