apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
