Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
