someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
