Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
