I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
