Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
