I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
