What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
