I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
