Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
