She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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