I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize