so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize