He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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