remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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