my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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