New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
