I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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