Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize