I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
