Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
