Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize