I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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