Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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