why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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